Old Feelings: Chapter Six

Warning: 18+ readers only; this blog is dark and full of terrors!

(A bit of language and scenes of a sexy nature.)

Acacia

I listen to Nova following me up the stairs, each step creaking under our weight.  What is going to happen when we get upstairs?

I bet he thinks I've not properly had sex before.  He'd be wrong.  But I always wanted it to be him... Always.  He doesn't know the half of it.

Is that what's going to happen?

Nova

I start to panic as we reach the top of the stairs.  I didn't think Cass would actually let me in so I hadn't planned this far ahead.  As he leads me through the darkened hall, I'm aware of what is probably going to happen and I have no idea what I'm doing.

Before we get to his bedroom, I reach for his arm and he turns to face me.  I can't read him at all.  There's no sign in his eyes of what he wants me to do, he just looks up at me.  I let my hands wander up to his face.

"Acacia..."

I see a flicker of expression dance on his eyebrows and I catch him glance at my lips.

Acacia

Kiss me.  Just kiss me.

Something about his voice whispering my name makes me feel light and heavy at the same time like I'm going to just fall into his arms.  Everything about his face being gently illuminated by street lights shining through the hall window is perfection and I can't for the life of me understand how someone as beautiful and sweet as him could say he loves me.

It feels like we stare at each other for minutes before he whispers again.

"What do you... want me to do?"

I can feel my cheeks go hot as he runs his thumb down my neck.  Kiss me.  Kiss me.  Kiss me.

I don't realise how close our bodies have become until my hands start to sneak their way under the front of his t-shirt and around his back.  He's so warm.

Nova leans down and I close my eyes, waiting for his lips to meet mine.  I feel his fingers sweep my hair to the side and I almost purr as he places kisses along my collarbone and shoulder.  He gently tugs my t-shirt out of his way, making my skin shiver.   My hands still on his back, I pull his body closer and I hear him sigh into my neck.

His lips finally travel up to mine and it's as if I am consumed by him again.  With our bodies so close, I can feel a firmness against me, something I never thought I could provoke in him.

Our kiss grows more ardent, losing the sweetness of moments before, and I'm overwhelmed by how long I've waited for this; how much I've wanted him to touch me, kiss me like I'm the air that he needs to breathe.  His hands are on my neck and in my hair and I'm pulling him toward my bedroom by his t-shirt.  Is this actually happening?  Am I dreaming?

It's a slow fall into bed;  clothes attentively removed like we want to remember every single piece of fabric sliding off our bodies;  kisses carefully placed like each one means something more than the last.  And with God's name on our lips, we decline into a breathless delirium.

I don't think this is what he was expecting.

The night is hot and long, full of feverish sighs and all-consuming heights.  And as the sun eventually starts to rise, we give into our exhausted bodies, wrapped up in each other.

I awake to the sounds of birds chirping outside the bedroom window.  The room feels dim, like an overcast morning usually, does.  Except, it's afternoon and I feel like my heart is shining.

I shift under the covers, feeling them move over my nakedness and suddenly I remember everything that happened last night.

I never ever thought that would happen.  Not now, not in this lifetime.  Ever.

But somehow it did.

"Hey."

I turn my head towards the voice and see a smiling Nova looking at me.  "Hi."

His eyes look bigger and more like the sea than ever.  "I need to ask."

"Yes?"

He blushes.  "Um... you've done that before, haven't you?"

I giggle at him.  "Why?"  I sit up, wrapping myself in the sheet and turn around to face him properly.  "Why are you so surprised?"

"Because I just assumed you... hadn't."

"Well, haven't you?"

He blushes even more, pulling his side of the covers up to his face.  His side...

"Not with a boy..."

Nova

Cass smiles back at me shyly.  I can tell he's a bit proud of taking my gay virginity.

Am I gay now?  Does this mean I'm gay?  I feel pretty gay.  It would explain a lot;  I always had problems doing it with girls that I always put down to nerves or stress, and the only three girls I've ever done it with weren't too happy with my lack of climax.  Or my lack of ability to make them climax.

I had neither of these problems with Cass.

My body still feels tired from it.  It was probably the most exercise I've had in months.

Seeing Cass sitting in front of me, naked with his messy hair, makes my heart flutter like it had done all of last night.  It makes me want to grab him and do it all again but I don't think my body could handle that.

I lean up on my elbow.  "So... you've done that a lot?"

"Not a lot."  Cass looks away.  "Just a few times..."  He bites on his bottom lip and he starts to blush.  "At bible study camp."

I jolt up.  "You're shitting me!"  I can't help laughing with shock.  "You were meant to be studying Jesus!"

He wraps the sheet around him tighter.  "My mum only sent me because she wanted me to, I don't know, pray the gay away or something."

I watch him thoughtfully as he speaks.

"And this was maybe a few months after I turned seventeen."  Cass laughs.  "I'd been pretty much in a hospital for two years, where I wasn't allowed anything that might cause me to harm myself or other people.  And you never had a minute alone.  Like even when you were sleeping, there was always someone who's check in on you every half an hour to make sure you hadn't hanged yourself."  His smile is filled with melancholy.  "So the first thing I did when I got out was buy a Men's Health magazine.

"I'd only been home a month when she found it and my grandparents convinced her to send me to a camp for the summer."  Cass fingers the sheet absently, a sly smile on his face.  "It backfired spectacularly.  The staff that ran the camp weren't as strict as the nurses at the hospital."

"Couldn't you have just said you had the magazine because you wanted to, you know... learn about men's health?"

"Maybe, but mum found it in my bed, with the pages of a Chris Hemsworth article stuck together."

I laugh so much my gut hurts, while Cass burns red and hides his face in his hands.  "It's kind of embarrassing..."

"Please tell me, how the hell does one get laid at a bible study camp?"

"There's not exactly a lot of opportunities," he says.  "I was just fortunate that my cabin mate had been sent there for the exact same reason I had."

"Oh my god..." 

Cass smiles at me in a way that says I'm done talking about this now and asks, "Do you want coffee?"

I nod and he untangles himself from the sheet.  I watch him walk across the room, the dim sunlight hitting off the naked curves of his body, making me feel drunk.  I want to pull him back into bed as he pulls on pants and a t-shirt, and he darts out of the room before I can.