Warning: 18+ readers only; this blog is dark and full of terrors!
Some gory moments!
This story contains questionable religious themes of a sexual nature, as well as mild to graphic gore, and scenes of a very erotic nature. Do not read on if these are things that you may find offensive or upsetting!
It is now April. The snow has all finally melted away. Easter is nearly here, and a warm glow fills the town, green appearing everywhere. It's been exactly four months that I've been in lust with Nathaniel, and three have passed since I saw him last. The days are a lot longer now.
It's better this way, but it still hurts. My heart faintly aches with loss and regret, painful deception; from time to time, I wonder... What does he think of me now?
In my self-pity, I've been killing to the point of a rampage, littering the town with dead bodies. Recklessly, I leave my tracks uncovered, letting the headlines shift the blame elsewhere - "Killer Virus Haunts Town", "Mystery Body Discovered - No Cause Of Death Found" - mystifyingly ignoring the weightlessness of the victims' bloodless bodies. Comfort eating, I suppose. Many mornings I have invited the idea of letting the sun wash over me, to turn me to dust and ashes. But something inside stops me, a pulling sensation, dragging me back into my lonely, empty coffin. I just can't do it.
The school term is over, the grounds empty. Darkness cloaks it, the sensor lamps now redundant. I'm sitting on the church wall, listening to the congregation singing hymns and trying to find the inspiration to find dinner, when I see a small light on the school roof and a figure. No, it's two figures; humanesque outlines, about three metres between them. I squint my eyes, concentrating on the couple, sensing confrontation between them.
What a strange place for people to be arguing.
Something disastrous is about to happen, and I'm forcefully brought to my feet. Nathaniel's in danger.
I try to learn from what happened last time as I cautiously creep up the steps to see better. I can hear voices as I clamber up the front of the building. This isn't like last time... As I get closer, I'm overcome with a sense of malaise. I glimpse over the edge of the roof and see the back of Nathaniel's head and the malicious face of his aggressor, a baseball bat in his hand.
"- all you fucking queers. It's perverse." He swings the club in front of Nathaniel menacingly. "I will smash you all, one by one. Elias' has had his punishment, so now it's your turn." An evil smirk curls on his lips.
In the dark, neither can see me. I silently pull myself on to the ledge.
"What, and you think I won't fight back?" Nathaniel retorts angrily. "You think you're special or something?"
"You think I've not noticed you staring? It's so disgusting. So fucking disgusting," he says, spitting on the ground. "Can't believe I didn't realise before."
"You think that I'm staring at you because I fancy you?" Nathaniel's voice sounds almost amused, but I can hear the uncertainty, the fear. "I'm staring because you're hideous!"
Nathaniel backs away as the boy moves swiftly closer, wielding the bat above his head. But he's not as fast as me.
With one quick feline leap, I fly past Nathaniel, gripping the boy as we tumble backwards. I think I've got him, but he somehow manages to hit me over the head with his bat, disarming me for only a second. I utter a little laugh as he attempts to corner me, swinging the bat again. He narrowly misses my ribs as I step back calmly. I can't help but smile at his grimace as he motions it back and forth, becoming more frustrated at his own blunders and my apparent enjoyment of the game. Suddenly, I grab the bat and twist it out of his hands with ease. That's quite enough... He dashes down the few steps that lead to the door, but I've already locked it. He rattles at the handle pointlessly, the fear inside him growing. It's almost fun to watch as he gives in and cowers to the ground. I lunge, pinning him down, his schoolboy strength and shoulders crushed in my hands. Without delay, I bite into him, his pathetic screams resonating in the darkness. He grips at my hair, trying desperately to pull my head back, but to no avail. My teeth have only pierced him enough to get the blood out, but I hold back nothing, slowly draining him of life and plasma as his cries fade. I let his fluid gush over my tongue, and I savour it before I swallow. I feel his heart thumping loudly in my ears, beating gradually slower. Before he's dead, I drag his near-lifeless body up the stairs and throw it over the back of the school. He lands like a broken rag doll on the hard tarmac, shattering his bones and smashing his skull. Grey matter spills out with fragments of cartilage throughout. He is most definitely dead now.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve before I turn to face Nathaniel. He's staring at me. The monster in me subsides, and I'm myself again.
"I'm sorry," I say to him, pleading him apprehensively. "I panicked…"
He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. He can feel the horror of the moment subsiding, and lets himself speak finally. As he moves towards me, his voice croaks. "Thank you."
All Nathaniel's different scents envelop me, and I stand speechless, breathing him in for a second.
He looks so beautiful in the moonlight.
"Come on, let's get down from here before someone sees us." I take his cold hand and lead him to the fire escape.
"When did all this start?" I ask him as we sit by the river, trying to make eye contact with him. "Has Greg always threatened you like this or is it just recently?"
"It started not long after Elias and I broke up," Nathaniel says, shifting awkwardly on the bench. "Greg is... was his flatmate's brother. He'd already been suspicious of Elias for a long time but apparently, someone... heard us, at the party." He looks guiltily at the ground as he recalls the event. "If I hadn't gone to that party..." He pauses but decides to leave his thought unfinished.
"It shouldn't have come to this. I should've been paying more attention instead of..." I look away. "I could've done something sooner."
"Like threaten him?"
I turn and look as a light smirk crosses his face. "You… know about me threatening Elias? How?"
"Well, you just told me." Nathaniel laughs. "Wow, so you're the reason he cancelled his tennis membership."
I can feel a light blush bleeding over my cheeks. What the hell is wrong with me... "You're not mad?" My heart starts thumping again. "I thought you should know what he'd done... It was kind of selfish... I'm sorry." I decide against telling him of my own indiscretions with Father Clarke.
"No, you did me a favour." Nathaniel looks down at his hands, fiddling on his lap; a lingering silence, only the wind and birds make a sound. "I wish I knew sooner, though."
I can feel the pain inside him, the unbridled regret. "I've thought of you so much…" I admit bravely. "And it hurts…" I pause. "We shouldn't be around each other. It's not safe for you."
"But you said you wouldn't hurt me."
"How can I even be sure?" I tilt my head and look up at the night sky. "I meant it at the time, but... I also meant everything else I've said to you. There have been times when I've so badly just wanted to -"
"Those times when you could've killed me, and you didn't... surely that means something." He touches my arm.
"Do you know how close I came to killing both you and Elias?" I interrupt him. "I don't want to, but at the same time, I do. Because I know it would feel so..." I sigh, catching my words. "You've no idea what's inside me. I turn into something else, something terrifying. I breed disaster." I smile at him sadly. "Every day, I murder, several times on occasion. Don't you find that evil?"
"No more evil than the tiger that feeds on the gazelle." Nathaniel looks away, staring up at the stars, his melancholy matching my own. "You didn't ask to be this way." He pauses. "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. Are you really any more evil than me?"
"Nathaniel…" I can feel his dejection as I gaze at him. "You're not evil. At all. You're -"
"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads. Shall I go on? I know loads."
"I can't believe you're putting murder up there with being gay." I push him playfully, trying to lighten the mood a little. "That would make me doubly evil."
Nathaniel lets out a sad smile, but it disappears quickly as his face lights up. "Hey... it's was you, wasn't it?"
I look at him, confused. "Excuse me?"
"You killed those two boys from Hartwood Academy." He stares at me with mild fear. "Wasn't it?"
"You mean those two... philistines? They went to school?"
"But it was you..."
He shouldn't even know about it; no one should. I always made sure that when my kills graced the headlines, no one could remember for long. At least, I thought I had.
"How do you even know about that?"
"And that guy who was killed outside the club... And..."
"Okay, stop now." I stare at him, wide-eyed. "How do you know all this?"
"I... don't know." He looks a little surprised himself. "But it was you, wasn't it?"
"I told you! I'm a horrible monster." My heart falls as I grip my hair in frustration. "Do you see now? Do you see how awful I am?"
"But those people you killed... they did terrible things. The guy outside the club was a known rapist. And those boys... tortured animals. And the others..."
I tear my gaze away from him, staring back out over the river. "They were bad people, yes. But that doesn't make it okay."
"That's why you chose them."
Just then, the church clock strikes, echoing through the town. It's midnight.
Nathaniel looks down as if his battery has suddenly run out. "I didn't realise how late it was. I should be getting home."
He stands from the bench.
"Aren't we gonna talk about how you know all this stuff? Aren't you scared?"
He looks down at me sitting on the hard seat. "Yes, but what my mother will do to me if she finds out I'm not in my room scares me even more."
I rise, and together we walk side by side in silence until we reach the church.
"My house is close..." Nathaniel says. He still looks a little worried. I can sense the anxiety in him, tumbling about in his stomach.
"Will you be okay?" I ask.
"Yeah..." Nathaniel looks uncertain, but his face softens. "You know, I think you told me all these things, as a way to deter me."
He could be right... "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, it just happens when... when I think about you. I'm not very good at keeping my thoughts to myself."
I realise he's looking at me, tilting his head to the side a little, eyes narrow, flashing a sudden demure smile at me. I can still feel his butterflies fluttering inside him. Or are they mine?
"What's wrong?" I peer at him curiously.
His smile widens as he steps a little closer to me. "Your eyes... have turned pink."
I look away shyly. I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks at the sudden shift in the mood between us.
"I wonder what that could mean." When I look back at him, he's still smiling. In that second, I'm reminded immediately of Johann, and the way he looked at me. A long-forgotten emotion wells up inside me.
As I look at him, watching his pupils dilate, a different kind of desire suddenly seizes my body. It's not bloodlust or hunger but something amorous and ardent. Boldly, without reasoning, I bring my hands to his neck and pull him into an unexpected, fervid kiss. He responds immediately without resistance, pulling me in closer, entrapping me. The lightning is hitting me again, through his mouth and to my heart.
I push him gently against the church doors with my body, our kisses growing more tender, my insides like a storm. I realise how inappropriate our setting is as Leviticus 18:22 recites in my head. What an abomination we are.
Nathaniel breaks the kiss. "It's okay, Kaleb. From far away, you kind of look like a girl anyway." A mischievous smile crosses his reddened lips as he gently twists a lock of my hair between his fingers.
"And up close?" I enquire, almost seductively, in between sweet little kisses.
"Really... hot." he purrs back.
We share a secret smile. His thoughts penetrate mine; I think I have a crush on you. We say a silent goodbye, revelling in each other's mouths once more. I savour his taste as I watch him walk away, following the moonlight.
How did I not see this coming?
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