Warning: 18+ readers only; this blog is dark and full of terrors!
(STRONG SCENES OF A SEXY NATURE!)
REN
Hey there. How are you feeling? Beautiful day today, isn't it?
Okay, so I'm not usually huge on the small talk, but I'm sort of procrastinating. Procrastinating why I hear you ask? Well, I'm here to tell you a story about stuff I'm not a hundred per cent confident talking about... but I guess I have to since that's why you're here.
So let's start.
When I decided to move to London, I thought that would be it; life sorted, job sorted, flat sorted.
My grandfather contacted me in April, telling me he direly needed a new head chef for his Camden hotel. Camden, I'd thought. What a nightmare. The Camden Aldana is right on the market, it's busy as hell, and half the size of all the others. Of course, he never mentioned Camden when he first asked; he'd only said one of his "London hotels". I imagined Chelsea, or something a little more high-end. But either way, the job included one of the best suites in the hotel (one of the rooms reserved for staff) until I was able to get my own place, and having stayed in one of my grandfather's hotels, this seemed like a pretty generous deal.
By some kind of strange fate, Ichiro had moved to Camden in the winter. At first, I was worried he'd think I was following him, but when I called him with the news, he seemed immediately excited and insisted I visited as soon as possible so he could show me around before the move.
I met Ichi at Oxford. In our first year, we'd been assigned the same dorm; a two-bedroom deluxe apartment with a balcony and private garden. We were both studying for the same degree and would often study together, so we decided to get our own flat together for the second year. We got on so well, we ended up sharing until we finished University. He was a great flatmate, always clean and tidy, constantly stuck to the shopping rota, and never hosted loud and crazy parties (without me). He didn't mind the seemingly endless string of girls coming in and out at the weekend, and when he had a girl over, you could barely tell because they were so quiet (maybe this wasn't necessarily a good thing for him).
After we both had graduated - him with Honours that he went on to use, me with a 2-1 that got me a job as a dish cleaner - I stayed on in the flat, and we kept in touch. Every time I was in Japan, we'd always spend a few nights together at my parents' bar, or he would invite me over for dinner.
My parents live in Osaka, much to my grandfather's disdain. My father was supposed to be the heir of Aldana Hotel, but instead, he married Lianna Mendoza and moved to a small townhouse in Oxfordshire rather than of one of the family manors in Chelsea. A few years ago, they moved to Japan to open an English-style pub and never looked back. Luckily, my grandfather didn't disown them, but he did make my uncle heir instead. We were all quite surprised when he offered me a job in London after he had heard I'd become one of the most sought after chefs in Oxford after climbing the career ladder at a hipster restaurant called Dishes For Devils. I was jubilant to accept the offer because I was getting pretty tired of serving meals on dustbin lids or in pint glasses.
As Ichi suggested, I visited London briefly before flying out to Japan for a few weeks. I could see why he liked it so much. It was really quite a charming place, and he took me to his favourite haunt to meet some of his friends. He told me of how his brother was the reason he even knew any of them, and that their relationship seemed to finally be improving after years of frostiness.
I'd only met Theo once, in the first year of University. He'd come to stay in the dorm for a few days before both him and Ichi went to Japan for Christmas. We said maybe two words to each other. He was a moody little fourteen-year-old with a nose ring and long hair in a ponytail. I was shocked at how different he was next to Ichi and how shitty he was towards him. I was happy to hear he'd grown out of it a bit.
After spending a few weeks with my parents, it was finally time to come back to England and start the move to London.
And, because I'd rather totally skip talking about that last night in Osaka for now, I'm going to go ahead and fast forward to present day - or night as it seems to be.
I lie back on my bed, surrounded by luxury hotel furniture, beer by my side and my laptop on my lap. I'm mindlessly browsing when my phone rings.
"Hello, Ichi!" I chirp.
"And to you, Renley," he says back, in his poshest accent. "What are you doing tonight?"
"Well, I plan on doing absolutely nothing, why?"
"Theo comes back from Japan tonight, and we're all getting together at the bar to celebrate."
"Won't he be tired? That flight is terrible."
"Yeah, but I hear from his flatmate that they do this for him every time he comes back. I don't know why..." Ichi trails off.
"Sounds like fun."
"Come!"
"I can't," I say. More like I don't want to. "I'm all settled..."
"Come on, this isn't the Ren I know! You were all about the partying in Oxford."
"Which is why I only got a 2-1," I chuckle. "Tomorrow is my last day before my new job starts, and I wanted to get up early and--"
"Okay, who are you?"
"Ichi."
"Please?! We've not had a night out together in like a year. And you've not met everyone yet. And wouldn't you like to see Theo? He's all grown-up now."
I think for a moment. What could it hurt? "Fine, okay. Where and when?"
"I'll meet you outside Black Cat!"
We agree on a time to meet, and we hang up.
I don't know why I start feeling nervous. I guess I've grown out of the party lifestyle in my old age...
In an hour, I'm walking up to the bar, waving at Ichi as he puffs on a cigarette. He greets me with a man-hug, and then a proper hug because he can't even try to act like a conventional lad.
He drags me inside quickly after stubbing out his cigarette, excited for me to meet more of his friends.
"Theo isn't here yet," he says, leading me across the pub. It's so much smokier than last time I was here and seemingly darker.
I spy his pink-haired friend Nana straight away, and I noticed there are indeed twice as many people as what I thought there would be. Ichi softly introduces me to a tall Gothy guy named Panda, before passively pointing at a small flame-haired boy in the corner.
"And that's Andrei."
Before I can react to his sudden rudeness, a short and tanned beauty pushes past Ichi.
"I'm Fox," she says, enthusiastically. That she definitely is... "No one told me Ichi was bringing such a... handsome friend."
I look her up and down, unable to hide a smile. She's adorable; petite, tattooed, a curvy size ten, and I guess a 30C. I shake her hand. "I'm Ren."
She holds my hand a little longer than a standard handshake, and Nana stands from his seat and drags her away - much to my disappointment - as she says "And I'm single!"
I watch her as she fights Nana off and makes her own way behind the bar, and Ichi punches me gently in the arm.
"She is the manager of this bar, please do not shit where I eat."
I roll my eyes at him. "Would I do that to you?"
Panda and Andrei shift up closer to make room for Ichi and me.
"You've done it plenty. I've still not forgiven you for the barmaid in Fortnight. They did the best white Russians."
"Oh my God," Panda says suddenly. "Please tell us some Drunk Ichiro stories."
I laugh. "There are too many."
Ichi seems nervous and looks at me, pleadingly. "I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Come on," Panda says to him, with a hot flash in his eyes. Ichi gives him a warning glance.
"He's complaining about Fortnight, well -"
"Ren, please -"
"Ichi made his way through all the barmaids in Lights Out, but they changed their staff so often, so it didn't really matter."
Ichi's head falls into his hands. "Ren. Why?"
Panda raises his eyebrows. "Really? So many barmaids?"
"It must've been like ten of them, from that club alone," I say. "It was like a personal challenge every time we chose a new regular."
"Please stop," Ichi mumbles through his fingers. "I swear to God."
"How many other places did Ichi do that with?" Panda's smile is gone now.
"I don't know, maybe three. Then Ichi gave up." I laugh. "I think he got tired out."
"Wow!" Panda giggles and nudges Ichi. "You kept that quiet."
"I'm not exactly proud of it," Ichi mumbles, finally lifting his head, his face a very dark pink colour.
"Sorry, man," I say, not feeling sorry at all. He only glares at me.
The redhead speaks for the first time. "When will Dora be here?" His voice is shy and quiet.
Nana has appeared by the table and looks at his phone. "Pretty soon, I think. He got back to the flat maybe half an hour ago." He pulls a box of cigarettes and waves them. "Shall we?"
Ichi, Panda and I all stand to follow Nana out, Andrei staying at the table. We head out the back door, but I excuse myself quickly and head up the stairs to the toilets.
Both stalls are empty, but a nervous bladder makes for an awkward and neurotic Ren. I reach into my pocket for something I made earlier: a piece of paper with "out of use" scrawled in black marker, and some tack. As I attach it to one of the cubical doors, go inside and lock the door, I wonder what'll happen if someone else decides to go to the toilet, and the paranoia kicks in. I sit down, trying to level my head a bit - just pretend you're at home, seriously, it's no big deal - when I hear voices enter the room. I lift my feet with my jeans at my ankles onto the seat, hoping they won't know the sign is fake, and listen intently.
I can't hear what they're actually saying, but I recognise one voice immediately as Andrei's, with its soft Russian lilt. I only heard him say a few words, but it's definitely him.
In seconds, I hear them tumbling into the stall next to me. Oh God, am I about to hear what I think I'm about to hear?
"Andrei, don't..." I listen to the other voice say. It sounds only a little familiar; not deep enough to be Ichi's but too southern to be either of the other two. "This isn't fair."
"I've missed you so much," Andrei purrs. I hear a zip and the rustle of fabric against fabric, and then an amorous sigh from the other boy. "I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time you were gone."
"That's funny," the other voice says forcefully, between heavy breaths. "You didn't contact me at all... aah!"
My memory sparks like two rocks colliding; the gaijin bar... An adorable blonde guy. The last time I had any kind of intimacy with another person.
"I didn't think you wanted me to call you." I hear undeniable kissing noises, and then: "You know I'd never ignore you, Dora."
Oh shit! He's in there with Theo?! Ichi's brother?!
I hear more rustling, and the zipper sound again. "I'm so over this." The stall unlocks.
"Hey, don't be like that..." Andrei's soft purring again.
"You're un-fucking-believable."
"Dora, c'mon."
"Don't touch me, okay?!"
And then I hear the door open and shut. Silence. I let out a sigh, all of what I've just overheard sinking in. Andrei and Theo...
By the time I get back downstairs, have a quick cigarette and arrive back at the table, Nana is behind the bar as it seems to have gotten busier in the last fifteen minutes. The booth has rearranged too; Panda and Andrei are in the corner, messing around, giggling like school children, and Ichi is talking to someone new sitting across from him. He moves up when he sees me and gestures to a glass on the table as I sit down next to him.
"Fox got you a drink," he says, pointing at the glass in front of me. "I'm not sure what it is. It's Carling mixed with something..."
I look down at it before my eyes glance over at who is now sitting across from me. I study the hands delicately cupped around a bottle of Desperados, and my eyes graze up the arms covered in a black, loose-knit cardigan. My heart starts to furiously flutter in my rib cage as I take in the familiar inked rose design on the chest, drunken yet incredibly vivid memories of my lips passing over the tattooed skin filling my consciousness. And then my eyes rest on the face that's staring back at me with the same horror and realisation, the face I had been thinking about since I got on the plane back to England. The heart-shaped and down-turned mouth I had repeatedly kissed, both tender and coarse; dark almond eyes I had gazed into with such intimacy; the bleach-blonde hair sweeping across his forehead and to his shoulders that I had felt between my fingers. Sweat beads on my forehead as all the things I'd been thinking so hard about become unveiled, no longer brief and blurred in my head.
Let's rewind.
My visit to Japan had been a bore without Ichi to keep me company. I was still struggling with the language, and I couldn't really go out very far without someone who could translate. So I spent a lot of time at my parent's bar, where a lot of foreigners go to meet each other. I decided on my last night that I would relax; I'll have a couple drinks, I thought to myself, have a chat with Benji, the barman, then head home early to get some decent sleep before flying back tomorrow. Yes, great idea. It was quiet when I got there at nine o'clock. I sat at the bar and ordered a pint of Strongbow, conversing lightly with Benji. About halfway through my second drink, I noticed someone sitting down next to me. I watched them pour a shot of clear liquor into a pint glass before drowning it with Carling.
"That's really unusual," I said out loud, being the kind of person who often would chat to strangers at the bar.
The guy turned and looked at me, and said with a completely straight face: "It gets you drunk quick." He had the face of a local, but his voice was thick with a posh south London accent. He sounded like he could even be from Chelsea. I watched him down the pint almost angrily.
"Woah, slow down there," I told him, laughing slightly. He was slight in build, maybe only five-five, and pretty slim. Not the kind of body that can take a lot of alcohol, I thought. I watched as a smirk broke his stone-like glare.
"It's more fun this way." He ordered another before ordering me the same. "Try it."
He turned his face to look at me, and I felt all the air escape my lungs as our eyes met. He seemed oddly familiar, but I couldn't even begin to try and think how. "I don't accept drinks from strangers," I said cooly, sipping on the dregs of my Strongbow.
He paused briefly, before spinning on his stool to face me properly. "Seo."
I looked back at him. "Jacob," I lied. I couldn't understand why I told him a fake name - well, my middle name. Perhaps it was to remain anonymous for a night.
Seo smiled slightly. "So drink." He prepared the drink like he had his own and push the glass toward my hand.
Apprehensively, I brought the glass to my lips and took a gulp. I recognised the transparent spirit immediately as vodka. I grimaced a little as the fizzy and bitter liquid ran down my throat and bubbled in my stomach. He gestured for me to keep drinking, and for some reason, I did as I was told. Something about this boy's feline face made me want to do whatever he asked.
Once the glass was empty, I could feel the drunkness slowly developing. "I have to get a plane back home tomorrow..." I said, my words already slurring slightly. "I hadn't intended on getting drunk."
"People do a lot of things they didn't intend on doing." There was a slight hint of sadness in Seo's voice that immediately piqued my interest. He took two big gulps of the exotic cocktail as if it was water. He seemed to have every intention of getting drunk. He slipped a packet of Marlboro from his pocket and lit one before holding the carton out to me. I gratefully accepted, placing the cigarette between my lips as he lit it for me, avoiding eye contact as he did so, staring only at my mouth
"Are you trying to forget something...?" I asked him, watching his cold gaze for a reaction. "Or someone?"
His eyes blinked for a beat too long. Bingo, I thought.
Seo was quiet, and I immediately felt terrible for even asking. When his eyes opened again, they were full of pain. He downed the rest of his pint in three gulps before sliding off his stool.
As he turned to walk away from the bar, I blurted, "Look, I'm sorry, that was -"
He turned back to me. "Well, are you coming?"
"Where to?" I asked, thoroughly perplexed.
"Somewhere quiet," he said, straight and robotically.
"Like... where?"
"Your bedroom."
He started walking away, but I sat still on my chair, glued to it in a daze. "Excuse me?"
I knew what he meant, and I knew what he wanted me to do. As someone who'd never pulled a guy, I wasn't even sure if this was something I was really into, although I was apparently a natural. Sure, this guy was undeniably attractive, and the more I gazed at him, the more I kind of wanted to go with him. But he was a perfect stranger.
In the time it took for the words to leave my mouth and for Seo to turn back around and throw me a bored Are You Coming Or Not look, I'd already decided I wanted to go with him.
I don't remember much of the short walk to my parents' house. We didn't speak a word to each other as I stepped around to the side of the house and slid the wooden door open to conveniently reveal my bedroom. The whole house was in darkness, my parents already asleep upstairs. I turned on a lamp on the desk as Seo closed the door.
Ever since I was young, I've always liked girls. Growing up, it was the actresses in films I would swoon over. Later in high school, I had crushes on girls. My first kiss was a girl. I lost my virginity to a girl, and a couple of girls lost their virginity to me. I'd shagged most of my female classmates. I'd never felt the urge to kiss a boy.
But as Seo looked up at me in the soft lamplight, his eyes shining sadly, I felt like he was the guy my body had been waiting to explore. I moved toward him, leaning down and placed a gentle kiss on his mouth. My hands caressed his face as I dared to part my lips, feeling his move in time with mine. His hands moved to my waist, his body edging a little closer. I was a good five inches taller than him, making the kiss a little easier, and as I felt his tongue lick daringly at mine, my body melted, and part of it stiffened. Still kissing, I carefully guided him toward the tatami mats I slept on.
His hands snaked to the front of my jeans, gracefully unbuttoning them before sliding between my t-shirt and stomach. I moved my fingers over his shoulders, blindly pulling off his cardigan and letting it fall to the floor.
Seo broke the kiss and looked down at the tatami mats before taking my hand and pulling me down onto the sheet.
And then slowly and carefully, we undressed each other, pulling each other into kisses between layers of clothing being removed before laying on our sides, facing each other. I could no longer hide the hardness in my boxers as Seo ran his hand over it. I watched his lovely face, his eyes taking in my body, his hand gently groping at me. And then his eyes moved to my face, and his fingers slipped under my pants, our skin touching.
I couldn't believe the effect this boy was having on me. Before I'd thought that maybe I could pretend he was a girl, but now was so aware of him, I didn't want him to be anything else. I buried my face in his neck, kissing him just under his ear, feeling his hand move slowly. He seemed so fragile; I was afraid he'd break if I weren't gentle with him.
He stopped suddenly, so I pulled away from him.
"What's wrong?" I whispered, worried I'd maybe made him feel uncomfortable.
Seo nibbled on his lip for a second. "I've never... done this before."
I wanted to laugh. It was almost comical that two completely inexperienced people had somehow ended up drunk and in bed together. Of course, I'd had plenty of girls. But this was new to me.
But me being me, I wasn't about to admit that. I stroked Seo's hair like I would if he'd been a girl.
"Then let me take control," I said, softly. I pushed Seo gently onto his back and began to place delicate kisses down his neck and over his collarbone. My lips brushed over the heavily detailed chest tattoo and his stomach and further and further until I reached the black boxers. Without any hesitation, I pulled the fabric down, exposing his shaft. I was immediately taken aback by the size, it almost rivalling my own. I thought back to things that girls had done to me, and I ran my tongue over him before taking him into my mouth and sucking.
I couldn't believe I was actually enjoying this, the feeling of having this particular appendage between my lips, it sliding in and out. I could feel Seo writhing under me, his fingers entwined in my hair. I longed to feel him come in my mouth, down my throat. And if I'd kept going, I have no doubt that he would have. But I could feel my own hardness burning, throbbing with the need to release. I withdrew him and sat up on my knees and pulled my boxers down, before dragging Seo's body towards me by his legs and whipped his pants off. I lifted his hips up onto my thighs, my hands stroking over his backside. Staring at his undeniably beautiful and blushing face, I knew I couldn't... go inside of him. I couldn't take this boy's drunken virginity like I had so many girls when I was in high school. I wanted him to feel good, to enjoy it.
I pulled him up, so his legs wrapped around my hips, his hands grabbing at my shoulders. I kissed him again, rougher this time, and he moaned into my mouth as my fingers came around his shaft. I held it against mine and squeezed them both together, moving up and down. I was slow at first, feeling the all too familiar hot pressure building, but I wanted it to be as gradual and intense as possible. Seo dug his nails into my shoulders, biting at my neck and whimpering as I grasped his hip with one hand and roughly stroked us both with the other. I tightened my hold, slowing my movements and Seo came. Just the feel of his fluids on my hand and his hard biting on my skin brought me to my own agonising climax.
My memory gets a little blurred after that; I know we fell asleep kissing. I didn't want to let Seo go, but exhaustion overpowered me, and I drifted into a heavy slumber.
When my alarm went on my phone a few hours later, I awoke to feel dazed; had it all been a dream? The boy had disappeared, and there was no sign he'd even been here, other than my still naked body.
And since that night, I'd been unable to get Seo out of my head. All through the plane ride, I lamented over his lack of goodbye and felt... used. It was a strange feeling, and I wondered if all the girls I skipped out on after sex had felt the same.
Now, as I face him, I feel as if I'm falling out of a high-rise building. Seo. Theo. I should have known... I should have recognised him. Okay, it had been seven years since I'd last seen him, and he'd dyed his hair and grown up. But now I look at him, I notice Ichi's resemblance, and I see the grumpy kid I'd met back in 2008.
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