This story is an AU (Alternative Universe) and Out of Character fanfiction written for YasminBJD, containing mostly her characters (see Credits and The Stories for details) and a couple of familiar faces.
It is my own interpretation of Les liaisons dangereuses/Dangerous Liaisons and contains scenes of a very sexual and sometimes upsetting nature, and strong adult language and themes. Please keep this is mind if you choose to read on!
The sun shines weakly through the curtains. There's a fresh morning chill in the air because of the open window, but I can't feel the cold. I'm wrapped around Dora, one arm under his neck, the other over his waist, his body curved into mine like a little spoon. I'm too scared to move in case he wakes up and realises he's in bed with me and freaks out.
Who knew waking up with someone was such a delicious feeling?
I can't resist any longer; I tighten my hold around his waist and snuggle into him. He stirs a little with the butterflies in my stomach.
I hear a little moan. "I'm so... hungover..."
"Do you need to be sick?"
He shakes his head. "Let me just lie like this."
I remove my hand from his waist and run it through his hair, stroking it as if to try and heal his headache. It's so soft. Everything about his body is just so sweet and pleasant. I want to touch him all over.
"Do you... remember all of last night?" I ask quietly, gently fingering blonde strands.
"Mostly..."
"It's Saturday... do you want to..." I breathe slowly. "Do you want to go to Camden? When you're feeling a little better."
"... Together?"
"Well... yeah..."
"Like... a date?"
A date... with Theodore Kikuchi? "I guess..."
"Um... okay then."
"We should probably shower first," I suggest, but he suddenly tenses. "I mean, like... separately."
He shuffles away from me and sits up, sliding out of bed. "I'll go first."
I sense a little awkwardness in him as he quickly grabs clothes and sprints into the bathroom. When I hear the shower turn on, for some reason, I feel my brain flashback to two and a half weeks ago. The wardrobe.
The notebook.
I don't know why I'm getting out of bed. I don't know why I'm heading for Dora's wardrobe and pulling the red notebook down from the shelf. And I certainly don't know why I'm opening it and skimming the written words for my name.
The notebook is nearly half full. Each page consists of a couple of journal-type entries, with a date and time. When I can't see my name anywhere, I start reading from the date that Ana and I made a bet...
Sat 4/7 15:10
I don't know why he did it. I can't understand. What did I do? He tries to say sorry. But how do you forgive someone for that?
Mon 6/7 23:49
I can't sleep. He's soundly sleeping. Doesn't he feel bad?
I felt more than bad... I skip forward a few more pages, the day he told me to call him Dora...
Wed 22/7 16:34
I just saw him dancing. I've never seen him dance before. I believed him when he said he was sorry. But then he told me he liked me. And I felt something. Why did I have to ask him to call me Dora?
Thurs 23/7 14:23
I keep thinking about the look on his face when he said it. Like he really meant it. But why would he like me?
22:10
I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop. All I can do is keep smoking until he comes home. He's not even playing the game. But he's definitely doing something.
Fri 24/7 00:04
I wish he'd come back. I'm so wired on nicotine, and I can't stop thinking about what he's doing.
00:46
He just came back. He caught me looking at him. I'm pretty close to killing myself.
11:20
Ichi is taking me out tonight. I hope he gets me drunk so I don't have to think about these weird feelings I'm having.
Oh my god...
Camden is always super busy on a Saturday, but Dora doesn't seem phased by it. Which surprises me. He always struck me as the type to deal severely with crowds.
"Is there anywhere you want to go?" he asks me, looking up a little to make eye contact. He seems less awkward now.
"I want to know where your favourite places are..." This is the first time I've said this to a guy in a non-sexual way.
He looks around a little, thoughtfully. The crowd is so insane that there's plenty of time to decide as we move slowly along the street. "There's this little, used-record shop I really like... It's just coming up here."
When we get to the shop, I follow him to the 'indie/punk' section. There's an old man at the counter; a punk in his hay-day, covered in tattoos and sporting a long ponytail that's thinning on top. Pretty standard Camden. He greets Dora by name. The place is near empty save for two other patrons.
He flips through several sections while I wander around a bit aimlessly. This isn't really much my scene (unless I somehow find some old Malice Mizer vinyl.) I see a bunch of Abba records - Abba is fun, right? - and I'm flipping through them when I hear Dora gasp.
"Ah! I've been looking for this..."
I walk over. "What is it?"
"Original pressing of Boys Don't Cry..." He strokes the slightly battered cover, sighing. "It's fifteen-pound though, damn." He places it back in the slot, looking defeated. "Hey, you hungry?"
He's so unanimated when he's sober.
"Yeah... street food?"
"Yes!" and he smiles. A sober Dora smile. So special and rare. My heart immediately melts, and I take a mental note... Boys Don't Cry...
We head out of the store, past the Black Cat bar and DancingQueens, and across the bridge towards the food stalls. Dora offers to pay, and we get a box of dim sum to share.
"You know... I think this is the first date I've ever been on." I stab a dumpling with my plastic fork and take a bite. The river looks so pretty today, the sun reflecting in sparkles, little seagulls fluttering around. A houseboat floats past.
"Really?" Dora stares at me. "You're kidding, right?"
I can't bring myself to try and smile, to pass it off as a joke. "I usually... skip the dating part."
"Oh yeah..." He looks across the river. I can sense his unease. I resist the urge to touch him, to stroke his hair and tell him it feels different with him... but I also want to tell him there's a reason. There's a reason this is happening right now, and I hate that it's not a hundred per cent about my feelings for him.
Instead, I gently touch my knee against his, and I catch the blood rush to his cheeks. His cuteness is killing me... "But this is really nice." I stab another dumpling, and I so badly want to feed it to him.
"Yeah..." He nods.
When all the dumplings are gone, we stay at our bench, Dora looking out at the river and I'm looking at Dora. I so badly want to put my lips on him, on his mouth, his ears, the little beauty marks below his right tear duct, the hollow of his throat. I want to bundle him up in my arms and just inhale him. That's weird, isn't it? I just feel like nothing is close enough. And then my memory flashes back to last night, being between his legs, and I think a little heat overcome me.
"I need a cigarette so badly, oh my god..." Dora says suddenly.
"Well, we're outside so..." I look around me. Several other people are smoking.
He looks awkwardly towards me but not at me, not in the eye. "Yeah but... you don't like it."
I laugh a little - the kind of laugh that's not really a laugh but is more of a quick exhale of air through the nose, with a smile. "That's never really been an issue with you before." I poke at the visible packet in his pocket. "Just have one."
I can feel hesitation as he pulls one out and lights it. He inhales deeply, so extremely I practically want to cough for him. I think about what this is doing to his insides, and I just want to stop him, but he looks so much more at ease as the cigarette turns to ash (significantly faster than usual) and there's nothing but a filter left, and a gross smell surrounding him.
"Blame my brother, he taught me to smoke when I was eleven."
"Is that why you're so tiny?" I ask playfully, leaning closer to him. The smell doesn't even bother me that much now. I must be getting used to it.
He pushes me gently, matching my playfulness. "You're an asshole."
It feels kind of weird seeing him like this, smiling (as slight as it is, especially compared to last night) and blushing. Also the way he says 'ahhhss hole' is so adorable.
I lean towards him again, with the slight intention of kissing him. We look at each other's lips, and I severely lust after that little heart-shaped mouth of his.
And then my phone starts ringing. I want to ignore it, but the tone gradually gets louder, and I feel embarrassed (mostly because it's an old SHINee song). "Sorry..." I look at the screen. "It's my dad."
"Go ahead, it's okay."
I turn away, swiping the screen. "What's up?"
"Hey, baby."
It's not my dad.
It's Ana.
I can feel the colour drain from my face as I try to stay casual. "What are you..."
"Oh nothing, my mum left something here the other night, and I offered to come to get it for her."
I cough a little, desperate to act normal. "That's nice."
"Okay, that's not the response I wanted. What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I glance at Dora. He's absent-mindedly jabbing the dim sum box with one of the plastic forks. "I'm just busy."
"Oh my god, you're with Kikuchi right now, aren't you?"
"Yes." I'm praying my one-word answers aren't obviously awkward.
"Did you fuck him yet?"
"No..." The idea of "fucking" Dora feels so dirty... I don't want to fuck him...
"You've only got two weeks left before the summer break." She giggles quietly. "I'm really looking forward to fucking your daddy."
I'm only just managing to suppress my anger as I fake a 'goodbye' and hang up the phone.
"Everything okay with your dad?"
Fucking no... "Yeah, everything's fine." A weak smile, a fading heart. I want to go back to almost kissing him - I just want to always be almost kissing him - but he stands from his seat.
"Let's go for a wander."
We spend an hour or so walking around the market, laughing at all the stall owners trying to tempt tourists and teenaged goth girls with 'great deals' that are really a load of bollocks. I catch Dora eyeing a fake Boy London t-shirt a little longer than everything else. I take another mental note.
By the time we get back to the Manor, it's still early afternoon. As we fall in the room, all I want to do is grab Dora, revel in his Doraness, and just put my mouth all over him, but I resist. Instead, I make my excuses and head back out.
When I return an hour later, Dora is napping on his bed (still trying to get rid of the hangover). I quietly place the bag containing the t-shirt and The Cure record by his bedside and sneak down to the cafeteria for some coffee before he wakes up.
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