Warning: 18+ readers only; this blog is dark and full of terrors!
This story contains questionable religious themes of a sexual nature, as well as mild to graphic gore, and scenes of a very erotic nature. Do not read on if these are things that you may find offensive or upsetting!
I'm actually frozen. I will perish here. Facedown in this horrible sludge. I can see it now. Here lies the frozen vampire who died of embarrassment.
I can't even think straight, my stupidity sinking me further into my mortified state. Nathaniel is so close now I can hear him breathing.
And he's speaking to me.
"Hey… you're not dead, are you?"
Yes. Yes. Dead from humiliation.
I manage to lift my face out of the snow, trying to force the disconcerted yellow from my eyes. "No… no, I'm good." I don't move.
"Let me help you." Nathaniel reaches for my arm, and it's like an electric shock. But it feels fantastic. The fact that he's trying to help someone in need when he's in such pain melts my heart.
I let him pull me up. He's so close that I can feel him breathing into my hair. He's not all that much taller than me, and if I look up at him, we'd be practically kissing. No, don't think about that.
"Are you okay?"
I step back and ruffle snow from my head, but clumps of my hair stick to the sides of my neck. "Just a bit… damp." I bravely glance at his face, brushing my long hair to the side. His eyes are slightly bloodshot from crying. "Are you okay? You look… sad." Now I look like an idiot. Sad isn't even the word. He looks devastated.
The faint smile fades. "It's nothing."
Another vibration jolts between my ribs and I look away sharply.
"Do you usually fall over things?"
"No… I'm usually pretty light on my feet…" I'm practically staring at his shoes. "I'll be… going then." It's so awkward; I have to leave now. I do a sharp turn and start walking towards the town.
I hear a quiet voice. "Wait…"
I stop.
"I recognise you. You were at that party."
My chest is tight, and I'm so pale, lacking the blood of the wicked. I'm feeling dangerously starved, and I can almost taste the blood pumping through Nathaniel's body, his heart beating seductively. Please don't come too close…
"Do you know Elias?" He takes a few steps towards me. There's a hint of hopelessness in his voice as if I might have some answers for him.
I want to stay with Nathaniel. He's desperate to reach out to someone - anyone, even a tall, dark stranger - but I can feel my eyes turning violet, and my fangs are starting to grow.
I turn my face slightly. "I really have to go."
I sit in the snow-buried park, face glowing, head tipped back. The river has frozen over, but the flakes disappear as they touch my face, melting on my warmed skin.
I reminisce back to my kill from half an hour ago; bleeding the vital fluid from two loutish teens I had found kicking a small wild rabbit half to death, to and from each others' feet. Once I had heard their final breaths, I let a small drop of my blood into the rabbit's wounds, healing her back to life. By the time she hopped off, I had made my way back to my usual bench, hoping I hadn't just made a vampire bunny. Animals are so much better than humans anyway...
The snow is getting lighter now, the dark yellow sky making everything seem so quiet and tranquil. My thoughts wander back to Nathaniel and our unfortunate encounter, and I wish I could somehow make it less terrible in his memory. Maybe I could find him and "bump" into him again... I locate him with ease, his thoughts almost projecting themselves into mine.
He's still at the school?
He's standing on the roof. A panicked thought occurs to me.
What if he's going to jump?
I leap from the bench and sprint across the park towards the school. My heart is practically jumping out of my ears. If he falls…
It's all my fault.
I arrive in less than a minute, and I can see his silhouette standing near the edge of the five-storey building.
I forget any sound practical judgement I may have and vault up the side of the wall, rugby-tackling Nathaniel to the ground with a heavy thump.
"You can't jump!" I say, my voice muffled in his tweed blazer. "Please don't jump."
He lies still. "Umm... I wasn't going to…"
"Oh…" My eyes turn yellow again as I realise my ill-considered behaviour... and I'm still lying on top of him. I'm supposed to be intelligent, but really I'm incredibly stupid. "Sorry."
I've frozen in embarrassment again.
With some gumption returning, I lift myself off him and help him up. "I'm really sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you..."
He laughs a little. An angel's laugh. "No, I'm okay..." He looks at me, curiously. "What are you doing up here?"
"I... I... I saw you from the grounds and..." Seriously. Incredibly stupid. I try to collect rational thoughts and convert them to speak, but I simply can't.
"I come here to think, sometimes, that's all." He's smiling gently. There's something so trusting and naive in that smile. "So when you're not falling over, you're bringing people down with you?"
I feel my lips turn into a big grin. But as I look back at Nathaniel, his face is full of horror, and he takes a step back.
I'd forgotten about my teeth.
My smile disappears.
"How did you get up here?" His eyes narrow in suspicion.
"I climbed." I blurt out, unable to lie to him. "Are you frightened of me?"
"Your eyes… And… and..." What big teeth you have...
"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." So stupid... Why did I come up here? The air between us is stagnant now, almost unbearable. "I won't hurt you."
He takes another step back, and it's like a stake in the heart. "Who... what are you?"
"I… it's not what… I don't…" I can't get the words out. I try to get closer to him, but he recoils.
"Don't come closer!"
My face crumbles.
He hates me.
I finally come to my senses. I shouldn't have come up here. "I won't bother you again."
I leap on to the wall and jump, feeling the school disappear beneath me. I land crouched catlike and speed around the side of the building towards the river again.
I hear his voice, calling out to me, but I ignore it. My heart is in pieces. I can feel him again; he wants me to go back, but I can't. He's right to be scared of me. I'm a monster.
I lie in my coffin as I hear the school bell ring on Tuesday evening, but my heart is still tearing itself apart. Or rather, Nathaniel is ripping it to pieces. I can't believe I was so careless.
I'm pale and shaking, but I'm not hungry, not willing to leave my wooden box and search for sustenance.
Eventually, my self-pity subsides, and I drag myself clumsily from the coffin. I decide to wear Johann's jumper today; so worn and old, the neck so stretched it falls off my shoulder, holes and tears line the hems. It's a little comforting, reminding myself that I need to be kept alone. Locusts were never meant to be social creatures.
I jump down from the steeple, black coat thrashing behind me as I course through the chilly air, and my heavy boots thump into the snow. I crack my knuckles, about to set off into the dark for the kill, before I hear a voice behind me.
"So it was you I saw up there." I don't have to turn around to know it's Nathaniel. There's a hint of confrontation in his voice.
"What are you doing here?" I sigh heavily, turning to face him.
"I've not stopped thinking about you. I need to know who you are... Those images. I know they're from you."
His eyes meet mine, and I whisper, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
"Can we just talk or something? At least tell me your name."
"It's Kaleb." My sad voice. "You don't seem so afraid of me now. Why is that?"
"I don't know..." He shrugs.
"You should be afraid of me."
"Why..?" Nathaniel says, coming closer to me.
"You have to know, I could easily kill you. Believe me, the hunter in me really wants to..." My feverous emotions clash against each other inside my slowly dehumanising heart as the hunger begins its ravage. "And the human in me just wants... to be near you..." Just the scent of him arouses me to the point of transcendence. "But I can't. I can't ever. The hunter is the stronger part of me."
I turn from him and walk away, somehow fighting every instinct screaming inside me.
I kneel on the altar, hands together, eyes closed. I try to pray, but I don't know what to pray for. I hear Father saunter out of the Sacristy.
"I've not seen you in days. I was beginning to think you'd left. Or that you were dead." There's no hint of comfort in his voice, and I glare up at him.
"I'm sorry… I've been distracted."
I feel a firm hand on my shoulder; he wants me in the Confessional. "I can't…" The idea of lying with him now just sickens me, as much as I enjoyed it.
He looks puzzled. "Has something happened?"
"No..."
"You shouldn't tell lies when you're in the house of God."
"You shouldn't fuck teenaged boys either."
He looks taken aback by my recreant taunt but recovers quickly, smirking. I notice something disturbing in his smile that's probably always been there.
"Kaleb, I think of you like…"
"Like a son?" A sneer crosses my lips.
Father looks at me, at the dried blood on my cheeks. "More than that. You're afraid of something. That's why you're defensive."
"I am not," I claim, undeniably defensive. "I shouldn't be scared of anything. I'm a killing machine, how can I be scared?" I sneer at him. "I could tear everyone to ribbons."
"And?"
I sit back on my feet, the anger vanishing as I realise I can no longer hide the truth, even from myself. His question still hangs between us, unanswered: And? And what?
"And that's what I'm scared of."
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