Warning: 18+ readers only; this blog is dark and full of terrors!
This story contains questionable religious themes of a sexual nature, as well as mild to graphic gore, and scenes of a very erotic nature. Do not read on if these are things that you may find offensive or upsetting!
By the time I reach the flat again, it's well past midnight, the journey a blur. Why am I here again? I don't even really have a plan. The party has died down, and a lot of young bodies are lying unconscious over settees and carpets, intolerant to the heavy alcohol they've consumed. Some are still awake but are in no fit state to realise that I'm here never mind what I am. I scan the kitchen for any sign of Nathaniel or his Elias, not sure what I'll do if I find either of them.
I walk down a short corridor and follow the light streaming through a door left slightly ajar. It creaks as I push it open slowly, cautiously just in case bodies still lie in bed, but there's no one inside.
An unpretentious space, a typical bedroom for an eighteen-year-old; rock posters on the walls, a whirring computer, clothes draped over a chair. There are two paper cups with sticky rims, both partially filled with some kind of cocktail. There's a lighter and a packet of long cigarette papers lying near the lamp, the only source of light. I didn't recognise the space, but I'd been here before. I'd felt what Nathaniel had felt.
I pull the bedcovers over gently and notice a small patch of blood on the bottom sheet. I feel a stab of dejection in my chest; the thought of just a drop of Nathaniel's blood spilling for anyone but me awakens a fit of intense jealousy inside. I catch a glimpse of myself in the tall wardrobe mirror; my narrow eyes are starting to turn a vigorous green, making me look very inhuman. I sit on the bed, wondering what to do, trying to calm down, but feeling Nathaniel's presence so heavily only makes me feel worse. I exhale slowly, running my hand over the sheet, touching the small red mark. The bed is still a little warm as if it's not long been left. I take another deep breath, and with it, I get a sudden smell of smoke coming through the open window. It's tobacco and something else. Elias has uncloaked himself now, and he's outside. I curiously creep back to the kitchen, my coat flowing behind me, not unlike a cape.
Through the kitchen, at the other side of the door, spliff between his fingers stands the elusive Elias. He's not alone; he passes the joint around three other boys. There's something in his post-orgasm indifference that makes my temper teeter on the edge of a full-on explosion, and I'm unable to vent it. I must get home before I lose control of myself and accidentally kill him in front of all these people. I turn and make a rush for the front door. Why did I even come here?
In my carelessness, I topple over a lump of clothes sitting on the front step and land in a snow-covered bush. I let out a sigh and cuss as I taste blood on my bitten tongue.
"I'm so sorry, are you alright?" the lump says.
Nathaniel's big brown eyes stare back at me. Blood starts to trickle from my speechless mouth.
"God, you're bleeding!" he gasps, concerned eyebrows furrowed. His sweet nature is so forward. He pushes his thick hair out of his eyes as he stands to help me, but I quickly pick myself up. I'm worried if he touches me, I'll kill him, right here on the front step. I rise quickly, holding my hand to my lips, and without a word, I stumble over the dead shrubs and disappear into the night.
I awaken late on Saturday night feeling groggy and in no mood to feed. I've decided to set up the altar for evening Mass to wake myself up.
Entering the foyer, I follow the scattered lights towards the back of the church, absent-mindedly glancing at the lavishly painted Stations of the Cross. I begin to think about Jesus; all the good he did and yet still he was sacrificed. I become so engrossed in thinking about it - This must mean I am most definitely going to Hell - that I barely hear the voices in the Confessional. Father must have one of his guests in there. I dash into the Sacristy just as the narrow door slides open and I peer out in time to see Father, a dark-haired boy embracing his naked, husky torso. The boy moves away from him as if to leave, and my jaw drops a little as Father Clarke gently grabs Elias' arm and pulls him into another passionate clinch. My eyes turn a little redder as they kiss lightly and part. There's something very heartfelt about the way they touch. I wait for Father to disappear into the booth before storming past the pews after Elias.
As I push open the big church doors, I see him leaning against one of the gargoyles at the school, lighting a cigarette. I see now he is older than I thought; last night was his twenty-first birthday party. He's thinking about his time with Nathaniel, comparing it to his "confessions" with the Father. I feel ill with resentment. He hasn't noticed me yet and takes a long drag of the mentholated smoke. As if outside my body, I watch myself fly up the steps and charge towards him.
Before he can finish his exclamation of "What the—?" I grab him by the throat, dragging him around the corner, and press him against the wall, our heights matching.
"Where do you get off hurting someone like that?" I hiss at him, baring my fangs, my voice low and menacing. He looks genuinely terrified, and I'm in love with it.
"Who are you?" he says quietly, terror in his eyes.
"I could kill you right now!" is my only response.
"Are you one of Nate's friends?" he stutters.
"Who else?" I retort, even though it's not remotely true, but he doesn't need to know that right now. Hunger rumbles at the bottom of my stomach and I watch the little blue veins on Elias' neck rise and fall appetisingly with his heartbeat. "How many other secret hook-ups do you have?"
"Are you going to tell Nate?"
I think for a second. "No..." I pause, seriously considering killing him right now. It's dark, no one will see... "Even though you're a delinquent and a whore."
"Are you going to -"
"You've deceived Nathaniel." My glare sinks into him. That lust for flesh is seriously about to take over. "He let you... do that to him, and you hurt him. Now I'll hurt you."
His terror reverberates as I put my teeth to his neck.
I pause.
Why am I hesitating?
"Ugh!" I let out a disgruntled cry and throw him to the ground. "I can't even kill you! What the Hell is wrong with me?" I say more to myself than anyone else.
Elias looks up at me like a stunned rabbit. I can see why Nathaniel finds him attractive, with his dark eyes and faintly freckled skin. I grab him by the lapels on his coat and hold him against the wall again. "You listen to me, you piece of shit; you tell Nathaniel the truth about you and Father Clarke. If you don't… I will kill you. Without falter. This is your only warning. Heed it." I pause for a second, sneering at him, letting my pretty empty threat sink in. "Meet him here Monday when he finishes school, and tell him. If he forgives you, he's yours." I silently let him know that I have his address. "I'll be watching. Do you understand?"
His nod is shaky and uncertain.
I disappear in a second. Elias doesn't see me as I leap up the school wall and watch him from the roof. He's looking around him, and I can see tears in his eyes. I know now I could probably never kill him, but at least this way, he is hurting just a little.
I spend all of Sunday night lying on the school roof watching the snow blanketing the grounds again, thinking about Nathaniel. Part of me thinks all my problems will be solved, and I even venture to dream of his skin on mine, his blood finally inside me, together at last; me and my beautiful little pet… but then it occurs to me: he is an angel, and I'm a devil... a devil that would kill him in a fit of hunger, rage or jealousy. What was I thinking? That he and I would live happily ever after, Locust and Mortal? What kind of life would that even be for him? To turn him into a Locust is unthinkable; I wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even Elias.
It's just before daybreak. It's too late to run back to Elias. It's too late to change my mind.
I flee from the school again and up the side of the church. Just as the sun glimpses from the top of the school, I am snuggled in my coffin, cloaked with the red velvet trench coat, slowly drifting into that paralysing death-like sleep.
The sun sets a little later on Monday, and I wake up just in time to see Nathaniel come through the school doors. The yard is already completely empty, save for Elias sitting on the steps, waiting. I stand at my window and watch as he greets Nathaniel with a passionless kiss. They reluctantly, almost awkwardly, exchanges pleasantries, Nathaniel's big eyes staring at him admiringly all the time; he's so besotted, a puppy with his beloved owner. "Nate, I need to tell you something..." He wastes no time. He briefly recalls his many nights of lust with Father Clark. I watch Nathaniel's expression rapidly change from elated to confused, then finally despair, and I can hear his heart thumping with anxiety. Elias seems upset but mostly frightened as he glances around him. He's looking for me.
"You're... disgusting." is all Nathaniel says. Elias tries to hug him, apologising but he pushes him away. "Leave me alone!"
Elias turns and walks back to the gate, leaving Nathaniel standing in a circle of snow. I see a tear fall as he watches Elias leave, but he doesn't look angry. Just degraded.
I can't bear it.
I have to be closer.
As Nathaniel walks back towards the school steps, I open the window and hop out as smoothly as possible, making only a small thud as I hit the ground. I creep across the road and up the steps, keeping out of sight. In proper stalker mode, I crouch behind one of the gargoyles, watching him slowly sit down and hold his head in his hands. I can feel him crying, the thoughts and memories of Elias being pressed out like the tears that are now coming fast from his eyes. The fact that I have caused this pain burdens me and I wish I'd stayed in bed on Saturday only a few minutes longer. It's a familiar feeling.
My darling, Nathaniel…
I carefully climb up the stone beast to get a better look at him, peeping over the wall. Unfortunately, ice has settled on the top, and in my distraction, I lose my usual ethereal finesse. I slide ungracefully off the stone beast, arms flailing, a small cry absconding my lips, right in front of the gate just as a startled Nathaniel looks up. And I, like a deer in headlights, freeze, face down in the snow.
Crunchy footsteps towards me…
A muffled sniff. "Are you okay?"
No comments:
Post a Comment