REN
"Where do you think you're going?" Ichi playfully says while I attempt to hide my distress.
"I have to go."
"Eh, no, you don't!" Ichi protests. I don't hear what else he says because I'm too distracted watching Andrei saunter past me and behind the bar towards Theo and Fox. There are a few customers already here, and Nana has left now. I make brief eye contact with Theo before turning back to Ichi.
He drags me back through the pub, saying that I've never broken my word before and I curse myself for promising to be here. Of course, I didn't think tonight would start with me having my heart crushed.
Why did I let this happen? How could I have done this to myself? I should've known I was just a pawn to made Andrei jealous. God knows what Theo has been saying about me to him to fuel his bitter flames.
Why did I let myself fall for him?
Karma must be working her magic, for all the girls whose hearts were my playthings.
Theo resurfaces after a short while, looking somewhat harried, and Andrei slides in next to me on a bar stool, all charm and simpers and cute giggles. He'd be the perfect Gemini; I watch him as he speaks to Panda casually while, only able to imagine what debauched notions lie behind his eyes. I'm in social purgatory, trying desperately to ignore Theo's sporadic gaze as he drifts behind the bar while seeming moderately engaged with Ichi's chat. Time seems to pass slowly, unbearably so, even as I drink pint after pint. I find myself staring at my phone, wishing it to be later as I watch the minutes literally ticking by, so I can excuse myself for the evening, but instead, I've decided to nip to the toilet in hopes of killing a few more minutes.
How did my life become like this? When I moved to London, I did not think I'd end up in some seriously messed up love triangle with two other guys; one a sociopath and the other just socially inept. As I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, I wonder where it all derailed. But of course, I know the answer.
I should have just bagged Fox when I saw her. It would have been so easy. I mean, I could still have her undoubtedly. She's been throwing herself at me for weeks. I should've just dated her in the first place...
But I know how that would've ended; her heart in pieces and mine would still be where it is now.
Because she's not him.
I'm pretty close to screaming aloud when the door opens.
"Oh, here you are," Andrei says sweetly. "I was wondering where you'd wandered off to."
I stare at him, warily in silence.
"I thought you were outside," he chirps before noting my frosty reception. "Is something wrong?"
"No," I say. I can feel my guard slipping, the beer buzzing in my brain.
He takes a step closer to me, a warm look in his eyes. "I feel like you have the wrong impression of me."
I stare at him in awe, astounded that someone could have such a sweet exterior but be so disgusting inside. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was the most genuine person on the planet. He clearly doesn't know that I can see through him, right down to his vampiric activities.
"What do you mean?" I ask, attempting to match his sincerity as I look down at him.
"Well," he says, looking away with a blush. "It seems like you're deliberately avoiding me. Is it because of Dora?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Why would -"
"I don't know what's going on with you and him, but..." Andrei laughs bitterly. "Things are weird between us, that's all." He looks away. "I guess I was a little jealous..."
"Jealous?" I feel my heart skip a beat.
"Dora and I used to be close, but now..." Andrei shakes his head, sending shudders of red waves around his shoulders. "It seems you two are very... close."
"I think you might have misunderstood," I utter, acutely aware of Andrei's talents of manipulation. "Nothing is going on with Theo and me. What you saw was just a drunken... misunderstanding."
Andrei smiles, but it loses some of its sweetness. "Oh?"
"Yeah, so... there's nothing for you to worry about."
He tilts his head, frowning a little. "Why would I worry?"
I'm kind of at the point of tipsy where I'm about to tell him that Theo made his intentions perfectly clear, but before I can, Andrei's hands are on my shoulders.
"Am I that transparent?" He purrs, his eyes flickering seductively.
A chill runs down my spine as I stare into his eyes.
I must look horribly shocked as he leans closer to me, pulling my face down a little. "I'm usually much better at hiding my feelings."
"W-what?" I manage to stammer. What the fuck is he doing?
"Since I saw you, I've just..." His face blushes and I watch his lips quiver. "I find you very attractive."
I blink. "What?"
"I thought you were into Dora, but now I know that you're not..."
I stare at Andrei's face, becoming possessed by his eyes. He's like Kaa, hypnotising me effortlessly, a bewitching snake. Is this the kind of games he plays? What is he trying to do to me?
I don't get the time to think any more about it. My brain is running solely on beer and low self-esteem, still crippled from the earlier rejection. And here is a beautiful creature, offering itself up to me on a plate.
Andrei pulls at my neck, bringing our faces closer. I glance at his lips, a lovely little pout. Perfect for kissing...
They come closer, slowly, tempting me. The whole bathroom is spinning now, and I hold on to Andrei's waist to steady myself a little.
I can't.
I press my hold, preventing him from moving closer. "No -"
The door opens beside us.
"Oh..."
I turn, pushing Andrei off of me, watching Theo's face as it dares put together the pieces of what he's seeing. No one moves.
"Theo, I wasn't -"
I can see tears in his eyes as he looks at me and then to Andrei.
"Fuck you."
He turns and walks out of the bathroom. I don't even look to see Andrei's reaction as my whole world falls apart around me, and instead, I bolt out the door in time to see Theo at the bottom of the stairs.
"Please, wait!" I yell after him. "I swear, nothing happened!"
"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" he cries as he stops on the last step. "Did you want me to see that?! And there you are, accusing me of using you to make Andrei jealous!"
"I thought I was just a one night stand! You pretty much said so!"
"Just fuck off!"
"Theo, I swear!" I grab his arm. "I went in there, you know, and Andrei was suddenly all over me, but nothing happened, and it wouldn't have!"
"Shut the fuck up! I've been watching him flirting with you all night." He pulls his arm free and glares up at me. "And the next thing I see, you're both gone. Don't treat me like I'm a fucking idiot, Ren. I know what you were going to do up there."
"Oh my God, I wasn't even talking to him." I grab at my hair in exasperation. "Theo, please believe me. I wouldn't do that. I wasn't even going to kiss him!"
"Well, it sure fucking looked like it," Theo growls at me before pushing his way through back to the bar. I follow after him as he heads to the counter.
I move close to him, keeping my voice low. "Why are you acting like this? You made your feelings perfectly clear -"
Andrei appears through the door and moves towards us, and Theo turns his head slowly to look at the fiery devil.
Andrei opens his mouth to speak, his eyes burning with distress. But before any words can form, or anyone can predict what's about to happen, Theo lunges at him. I try to stop him, grasping for his shoulders, but he's too fast, and before I can grab him, the customers in the corner booth dart from their seats as Andrei falls into the table and onto the floor, and Theo pins him down between his legs.
Fox manages to push her way through the crowd but doesn't reach Theo in time to stop him sending his fist into Andrei's face. She pulls at his t-shirt while Panda appears from behind me to help her.
"Take him outside!" Fox yells. She turns to Andrei as he pulls himself to his feet, holding his sleeve to his nose. "You too. Outside. Now."
DORA
I didn't think I'd ever punch Andrei. Especially over another guy.
But then again, I didn't think I'd ever like another guy.
When Andrei had arrived at the bar, he'd come straight through to the back after he'd seen my retreat.
"Doradora," he said sweetly. "Have you been avoiding me?"
"Of course I have." Tonight was the first time we'd been alone since the vampire incident. We'd remained somewhat civil in front of everyone else, but I'd gone out of my way to stay away from him.
He looked genuinely disarmed. "Why?"
"Seriously?" I looked at him, mouth slightly agape. "You can't be asking me that."
"Because of the... biting thing?" Suddenly, Andrei grew concerned. "I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have done that."
"Why the fuck did you?" My voice came out sounding a lot more horrified than I wanted it to be. "Who the fuck does that?"
"I don't know! I don't know..." Andrei grabbed his hair in frustration. "I just... I didn't like the idea of someone else... and seeing you with Ren -"
I glared at him. "Andrei, you don't own me. I can do what the fuck I want with whoever the fuck I want."
"Yeah, and don't think he won't do the same."
"What?"
Andrei let out a cruel laugh. "He's a player. Look at how he is with Fox. It's obvious the part you're playing for him."
I could feel my heart in my throat as his words echoed what my last conversation with Ren had been. "He's... not like that."
Andrei rolled his eyes. "Really?" he scoffed. "Grow up, Dora. He's like every other guy out there."
I couldn't listen to anymore after that. I pushed past Andrei and back out to the bar so I could start my shift.
I then spent the next two hours painfully watching Andrei eyeing up Ren like he was some sort of pastry, wishing I could go back to earlier and tell Ren that I didn't want him to be a one night stand. I didn't know what I wanted him to be, exactly, but he wasn't just for one night.
Panda has wrapped himself under my arms, lifting me off the ground as he drags me through the pub.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he scolds me, only letting go once we're out of the door. "Fucking... what!"
My lungs are still hurting from the sharp intakes of air. I scan around looking for Andrei, and then Fox appears with her hand around his arm.
"I don't want either of you back in here again until you've sorted this out!" She yells, swearing under her breath as she turns back into the bar.
My whole body burns with fiery anger as I attempt to launch myself at Andrei again, only to feel Panda's hands grabbing my arms to stop me, easily overpowering me. Andrei just stands there, his head hanging, red waves covering his face.
"Oh my God, Dora, what happened to you?!" Panda huffs. "Do I have to go get Ichiro?"
"Okay, okay, I'll calm down!" I yell, yanking myself free, glaring up at him.
"Just let him hit me, Panda..." Andrei mumbles.
We both turn and look at him, his arms crossed over his stomach, his shoulders shaking.
I watch the glistening drops fall from under his hair and onto the pavement.
For fuck sake...
"Don't pretend to be some kind of fucking martyr!" I suddenly blurt out. "Why should I feel sorry for you? You deserve much worse!"
"Seriously, what the fuck happened?!" Panda throws his hands up. "You guys were only gone for like five minutes."
"You're such a fucking whore!" I clench my fists. "What, did you think he was going to pay you or something?"
Panda stares at me wide-eyed, voicing a surprised reprimand as Andrei finally lifts his head to meet my gaze.
"You're utter garbage; you know that, Andrei? You're fucking nothing!"
My heart breaks even as these words slip from my lips. I never thought Andrei would sink as low as to take something from me, but I didn't think I'd ever talk to him like this like I felt nothing for him.
"Dora..." Andrei's voice is barely even a whisper.
"No. Don't even call me that. I'm so done with pretending everything is okay."
Panda coughs lightly. "I'm gonna..." he mumbles, slowly stepping back into the bar, leaving us alone. I move to follow him, but Andrei grabs my sleeve.
"Dora, please... I'm sorry!"
"I'm sick of hearing you say that. Maybe if you stopped being a piece of shit, you wouldn't have to." I cross my arms, gripping at my t-shirt to stop myself from scratching Andrei's eyes out.
"Ren told me that you were a drunken mistake!"
What's left of my heart turns to dust. My dejection must be evident, as Andrei lets out a frustrated sigh.
"See? He's just like all other guys!"
I narrow my eyes at him in disbelief. "So you tried to fuck him to prove a point to me? Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I'm not dense, I've seen the way he follows you around. But he's just a fuckboy, Dora! And now you have the evidence -"
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I repeat, only this time much louder. "You're the biggest fuckboy I've ever met!"
"I heard what he said to you on the stairs."
I stare at him in deadpan silence for a second, my brain trying to wrap itself around this mess. "So?"
"When you said that you... got over me in Japan," he mutters, taking a deep breath. "It was him, wasn't it? You slept with him, didn't you?"
I can feel my stomach clench, remembering what happened in Osaka.
"No, I didn't." I pause, noting the short-lived relief on Andrei's face. "Not in Japan."
I watch his lips quiver before they open in disbelief. "Did you... did you sleep with him here?"
We stare at each other for the longest time imaginable. As I consider denying any such thing since it's really none of Andrei's damn business, I think about how he used to make me feel, about how I only ever wanted him. But now, as I gaze desperately into his warm and distressed eyes, all I feel is hurt. I remember all the times he'd look at me like I was the only person in the room before flinging me forcefully into the Friend Zone. I remember the way he kissed me; the first time, the second time, and then again before I left... At that moment, I honestly thought he might love me. He made it a hundred times more painful to go. And I would have waited for him. But then I remembered Marius, and I knew Andrei would never be mine.
And then when I came back and saw Andrei at the bar, I couldn't face him. I knew just by the look in his eyes that he still had a hold on me, and perhaps I had a hold on him too.
But now, as I watch the tears form in his eyes, I realise that he thought I'd wait for him too.
Andrei draws his eyebrows together. "Did you sleep with him?" he says again, this time with a hint of anger.
The word comes out broken like my throat wants to hold on to whatever shards remain as hard as it can.
"Yes."
Andrei gawks at me briefly before finally looking away. "God." He looks back at me. "Do you love him?" he asks accusingly.
I swallow, knowing damn well I don't even know how to answer. I shake my head, uncertain. "No..."
Andrei bites on his lip, the tears trailing his cheeks now. I can feel my own, burning at the back of my throat, my eyes hurting from it. Don't you fucking cry, Kikuchi. Don't. I will never forgive you.
I can't take my eyes off him. "I used to love you."
I almost double-take at myself. Why the fuck did I say that?!
"But I don't anymore. You made sure of that." I shake my head. "I wanted to be with you. But you didn't want that."
"I did - I do! We can be together now!" Andrei grabs my arms, but I push him away.
"But I don't want you now. You hurt me, Andrei. All you've ever done is hurt me."
"I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt you," Andrei says desperately, his voice a sob. "Nothing I've ever done was to hurt you..."
I feel the tears retreat as I dare to say the sentence I've fought for weeks now. "I don't want to ever see or hear from you ever again."
"Dora, please..." He steps closer to me, but I back away. "I need you in my life."
"Just... go fuck your life into oblivion instead of mine, yeah?"
I don't wait to hear him beg me to change my mind. I push my way back into the pub, scanning to find Ren.
My heart fills as my eyes land on him, sitting at the bar with Ichi and Panda next to him. There's something so graceful and melancholic about the way he rests his hand by his half-empty pint glass, and there's such a dark beauty about him that I never saw in Andrei. I try to convince myself that I'm not sure of the emotion that's welling in my chest right now as I float by the bar. I catch Ren's eye, but Number One doesn't see me - thankfully - and I stroll past them, as casual as one can be while pushing through a throng of somewhat intoxicated patrons, and out to the back smoking area.
As expected, within a few minutes, Ren pokes his head around the door, browsing through the sparse bodies standing around in noisy groups. I look away from him as I piercingly inhale on a now lit cigarette, not quite able to meet his gaze yet without my chest getting damaged by the supreme blood flow, so I watch his feet as they come closer to me.
"Please don't tell me to fuck off."
I smirk, trying desperately to cover the horrible amount of feelings he's giving me. "We need to stop meeting like this."
"I wasn't going to kiss him."
I roll my eyes with lacklustre. "Right."
"I just didn't react quick enough to push him off me in time." Ren sighs. "You have to believe me."
The pang comes back, remembering what Andrei said outside. "You said I was just a drunken mistake so... why does it matter?"
He growls in frustration. "That's not exactly what I said... I told him it was a misunderstanding."
I look up at him, feeling myself soften toward him like I always seem to do. God, he's beautiful...
"You'd just told me you felt nothing for me, so how -"
"I never said that," I breathe, my voice croaking.
"Yes, you did!" Ren crosses his arms. "You specifically said -"
"No. I didn't." I glance away from him, knowing my glare must have faded, replaced with something too delicate.
"You said I was a one night stand," he says through gritted teeth.
I bite my lip, still unable to look at his face again. "I didn't mean it, though."
Ren allows a brief silence as he thinks about what he can say to someone as stubborn as me. "Well!" he finally says, discouraged. "If you don't say what you mean, how am I supposed to know?"
I'm about to answer, but he cuts me off.
"I just wish I knew what you wanted." Ren steps a little closer. "I've told you like three times how I feel about you, but you've given me nothing. When I woke up, and you were gone again, oh my God... you've no idea how much that hurt."
"I'm sorry," I say, finally tilting my head back to look at him properly. "I didn't think about it. I felt... embarrassed."
I feel my cheeks burn as Ren's hands reach for my neck, stroking my hair. I don't even care that there are people littered around us.
"Why? Why were you embarrassed?"
"I didn't want to..." Oh god, am I really doing this? Am I really going to do this? I want to cut my tongue off. I want to stop my throat from working, but his face makes me want to rip the confession out of my body. "I didn't want to admit anything, in case..."
"In case what?"
I stare at Ren's chest, not able to look into his eyes, but I can feel them burning me. I can hear Andrei's voice in my head, and I can't stop it from taunting me. "In case... I was just a fuck to you."
I feel Ren's hands in my hair. "You're not. You're really, really not." He smiles just as I finally meet his gaze. "It would have been nice to know how you felt."
Am I feeling like this because I slept with him? I don't want to tell him how weak I am right now, or that his eyes make me think of a meadow in spring, or that I just want to bury my face in his t-shirt and breathe in that faint smell of whatever man perfume he's wearing, even though the scent only makes me picture him naked. I want to touch his hair and his neck and his stomach and his everything.
"I really do..." I mumble, almost to myself.
"You really what?" Ren asks, squinting at me.
I bite my lip. "Like you."
His eyes grow wide. "Wow," he says with a sharp intake of breath. "I didn't think you'd actually say it."
"Sorry..." I whisper, my face definitely growing redder and redder by the second.
"Shut up."
Ren pulls me closer and kisses me. I feel like I've been waiting forever to taste his lips again. My hands climb to his waist, fingers gripping at his t-shirt as he breaks the quick kiss and wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his shoulder, for a second before my eyes land on a very concerned looking Panda.
"Oh shit," I say, moving away from Ren a little.
His gaze follows mine as he turns and locks eyes with Panda's horrified stare.
"Oh shit," Ren echoes. "Shit. Shit."
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