A(ndrei)sexual & Other Tales - Chapter Five: in which our heros dream of unlikely realities

Warning: 18+ readers only; this blog is dark and full of terrors!
(Bad language and scenes of a mildly sexy nature.)

ICHI

    I knew moving back to Camden would be a bad idea. Terrible, in fact. Theo's reaction when I told him was enough to convince me so.

    "What the fuck, Ichiro?!" he cried after standing abruptly from the dinner table and almost sending his ramen to the floor.

    "Don't swear in front of Mum!" I yelled back. Mum always pretended she couldn't understand us when we shouted at each other in English, but I knew she understood the cuss words.

    Theo fumed. It was the angriest I'd ever seen him, and I've seen him angry a lot. It's no secret that we don't get on, but this was something else. He'd never looked so wounded.

    "How can you do this to me?"

    I stood, not liking him towering over me in such a way, glaring down at me like I was a piece of shit on the floor.

    "How self-centred can you get? It has nothing to do with you!" I could feel myself getting angry, which isn't like me. I'm the calm, collected brother. "God, you think I plan my every move around you?"

    "If it involves ruining my life, then yeah, I fucking do!"

    Our parents sat quietly. They'd warned me about Theo reacting like this. I knew how much it hurt them that he seemed so ashamed of his family, his heritage. But that was never the problem. It was just me he hated; he hated my good grades, my popularity, my general kindness towards others. So he went out of his way to act as little like me as possible. When he was still in school, he nearly got suspended for getting his nose pierced like a bull. As soon as he left Harringly, he bleached his hair and got tattoos across his chest and shoulder blade that our parents hated. "You look like Yakuza!" mum would tell him whenever he visited. He made out like it was some great rebellion, but I knew it was just how he was. That was how he expressed his desire to be nothing like me. Our parents didn't even really care that he would "desecrate" himself this way. It seemed to slip their mind that I also have a tattoo - a smaller but just as noticeable one, but it didn't stop them telling him "You should be more like your brother!"

    "Theodore, sit down and show your brother some respect!" Dad spoke up. He was starting to get frustrated with us like he always did when we fought, but this didn't help. Theo just looked at him, and then me, and then stormed out of the room.

    I didn't bother going after him like I usually would. Instead, I sat back down and continued to eat, my parents doing the same. I didn't speak to him again until he was back in England, however briefly on the phone.

    I finally arrive in the UK.    

    The whole journey has been terrible. All my stuff won't be delivered until tomorrow, and having to spend the night at Theo's will be hell. I haven't been back for two years, and last time he'd spent a lot of time working, so I didn't see him that much. I became close with Nana after that.

    As soon as I see Theo at the airport, I feel nothing but dread. Tonight, Nana is definitely the only saving grace

    "How was the flight?" Theo offers somewhat politely.

    "It was okay." I follow him out towards the taxi that would take us to the train station. "Thanks for meeting me... It was kind of you."

    It takes him until after we are sat on the train to say anything else. "Ichiro..."

    I look at Theo, him seeming so small in his oddly stylish black denim and leather jacket that brings in his waist. He has a wool tartan scarf wrapped around his neck, the red in the fabric brightening his face. His hair seems to be even lighter now since summer, his eyeliner heavier and his fashion sense improved. But he looks so adorable, a flash of his younger self shining through his eyes, reminding me of a time when he didn't hate me so much. He's wearing his glasses - thick-rimmed designer ones he's had for years but rarely wears - instead of his usual contacts.

    I would tell him how cute he is, but with the air still so tense between us, it doesn't seem like a smart idea.

    "I'm..." Theo's face blushes. "I'm sorry we fought."

    I swear my mouth drops open a little. I've never heard Theo apologise for anything before. It seems strange hearing these words from him.

    "It's okay, little brother." I can't help but smile at him as he continues to stare absently out of the window, even though it's so dark outside all he can probably see is his reflection.

    "I won't be staying at the flat tonight...I thought you'd want some space and to sleep in a proper bed. But Nana will be there to keep you company."

    I feel a little warmth for two reasons; one, this is the most he's said to me in months, and two, I have missed Nana a lot.

    "That's fine..."

    "He's at work so you'll have to go to the bar. I need to go to Chelsea so you can find your own way."

    I roll my eyes. That didn't last long.

    As soon as I walk through the door of Black Cat, I instantly feel better. Nana doesn't immediately recognise me and greets me as a customer but just see his pretty face makes me smile.

    "Nana! How are you?"

    He looks a bit stunned, and I suddenly start to fear that Theo hasn't even told him I'm staying at his flat tonight.

    Finally, he speaks. "All the better for seeing you," he says, winking in a way that makes me giggle a bit. "How was the flight?"

    "Like Hell." I laugh as I pull my coat off before begging him for a beer.

    As the evening flies by, I remember why I love this place; the warmth, the music, the friendly staff... the more I drink, the fuzzier I start to feel, and all the more affectionate I become towards Nana. Something about the lighting behind the bar and the charming smiles he gives me - which is unusual for him - makes him seem all the softer. I realise that my thought pattern is going in a somewhat risky direction when I suddenly ask, "What time does this place close, anyway?"

    Nana opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, we hear a voice from behind me.

    "Is there still time to get a drink?"

    I turn when I see Nana's face lose all of its charms very abruptly, and the owner of the voice floats over and sits next to me.

    "Hello."

    By my side is what I can only describe as the Most Beautiful Human; dark, messy hair, the loveliest brown eyes, and the unmistakable soft pout that I can see on Nana's face too. The Beautiful Human looks me over like I'm food that he's about to devour.  I wouldn't mind that at all...

    "Hey," I reply, an unintentional hint of flirtation in my voice.

    It almost makes me jump when Nana speaks. "This is Panda, my brother." He pauses. "Panda, this is Ichi... Dora's brother."

    "Hi," Panda says, smiling sweetly, eyes flashing with intent. "I don't see much resemblance."

    I want to say to the same thing back to him, but I know Panda is only Nana's half-brother, and it's fairly obvious. The only similarity they have is the pout and an affinity for eyeliner. But the most significant and most notable contrast is the height difference between them. Even sitting down, it's evident that Panda is definitely taller than my own five-eight.

    Instead of saying any of what I'm thinking, I offer a cool "Oh is that so?"

    Panda's dark eyes flash at me, and he's about to say something when Nana chimes in.

    "Don't you have classes tomorrow?" He sounds kind of pissed off but masks it with fake sweetness. "Or like, a Skype call with your sweetheart?"

    I feel immediately confused...and a little sad.  Damn.

    Panda glares over at his brother. "No," he near growls. I can see Nana smiling at him in a way that reminds me of a kid getting away with something naughty.

    I try to break the tension. "Oh, you have a girlfriend?" I ask, in an attempt to appear nonchalant, trying to hide my disappointment.

    Panda's expression from earlier changes dramatically. Suddenly he looks fed up and flat. "Boyfriend. He lives in New York."

    "That must really suck." I feel a little less hopeless now.

    "Mmm..." He sighs a bit, glaring at Nana again. "I should go. Nana's right, I have classes tomorrow."

    I want to ask him to stay and hang out with us. But he says goodbye and saunters out of the door. I doubt this will be the last time I see him.

ANDREI

    I sit in bed, waiting for Dora to come through from the bathroom. I don't quite know what to do with myself. We've had a few drinks since Marius isn't here and Petra wouldn't dare tell him, but it's around this level of drunk that I start finding it hard to resist Dora's strange allure. I bring my knees up to my chin and hug my pyjama-clad legs.  And we'll be sharing a bed...

    He arrived looking cuter than I thought was possible like he knew how much I like him in his glasses. And now I can't stop thinking about how much I want to destroy that innocence of his.

    The door creaks open. "Fucking hell, that bathroom is amazing."

    I laugh at him as he potters over. He looks utterly perfect in what I can only assume are girl's pyjama bottoms (black with white cat faces dotted all over) and the Clash T-shirt he's worn all day.

    "Yeah but you think this whole house is amazing."

    He crawls into the bed next to me. "This is not a house. My parents live in a house. This is a fucking... castle." He looks around, gesturing with his hand in a big circle. "Hell, this room is the size of my entire flat."

    "You live in a studio," I say through laughing.

    He stretches his legs out under the covers. The light from the fire illuminates his face in the most lovely way. He's even cuter without the eyeliner.

    It would be so easy to just grab him and kiss him. He might let me. Maybe.  Probably not.

    "Seriously, this bed is longer than my life expectancy."

    I roll my eyes. "Stop smoking so much then."

    He turns his face and sticks his tongue out at me.  How I want to lick that tongue...

    I want to make a crack that everything must seem huge to him because he's so small, but as he yawns, I choose to just turn off the lamp instead. He lies back pulling the blankets up to his face.

    "We all smoke so much...even Ichiro, and he's fucking perfect." I hear the slurred annoyance in his tone. "He's a modern-day Mary shitting Poppins..."

    "Dora..." I really want to tell him how perfect he is, in the most imperfect way possible. And that I just want to snuggle him and feed him mochi cakes because I know how much he loves them. But I'm not drunk enough to do that.

    "Can't I just live here, for the rest of my short life expectancy?" His voice is sleepy, and I watch him, my chin against my knees, as he drifts off right in front of my eyes.

    I don't know when I fall asleep.

    The world behind my eyes beats with activity.

    Images of Dora wrapped around me. My hips are moving hard, and his face is red, and I try to kiss him. We're in a bed of sheets and lace and dim lights. He keeps sighing, my name on his lips, making me prickle with heat.

    It feels so real that when I jolt awake, I have to check I didn't do anything in my sleep. But Dora is sleeping soundly next to me, fully clothed. It's completely dark in the room now, the fire completely extinguished. Even though it's snowing outside and the house isn't terribly warm, I'm covered in sweat.

    I lie back down, hoping I'll just sleep through to morning, but I don't have such luck. I spend the rest of the night turning and turning, in and out of fantasies of a naked Dora, and Marius, that should be pleasant dreams, but every time I awaken, it's like a living nightmare, and a dark and painful shame conquers me. By the time morning comes around, I can only pretend I slept well, and that I'm not plagued with these unsavoury thoughts of my best friend.